Leah's final post

I can't believe that this is our final blog post. But it won't be, really. I've learned how necessary it is to keep a blog for what I've done in a week, that I'm going to continue an art blog for myself after this semester ends.

So much has happened in a week. I finished my santini and was working so late on Monday trying to get ready for my crit. I discovered that although I was resistant to Regan's imperative to make the santini perfect and anatomically correct, she also said they should be individualized. I definitely agreed that they should be individualized, and as I was trying to do that, I realized that the more anatomically correct they were, the easier it was to make them unique. It wasn't a mindless activity as might be thought--I continually had set backs and had to modify my process. I had fun making them individuals. And really, that's one of the most beautiful things about the saints. Each of them are different and all they did to be saints was be 100% who they were as individuals using their particular faculties to be the best people they could be. That's all anyone has to do to be a saint--be themselves wholly, perfectly.

Once I have the revelation of putting them in the kitchen, I realized that they could have conversations--they were more interesting interacting with each other than just staring out at the viewer, so I had alot of fun playing around with the wide variety of conversations I could create.

On crit day I was worried that it would be weird without music-too quiet. But when people started lighting candles, the mood quickly became frantic. It was hot and smoky, and Regan was freaking out that they kitchen would burn down. Although I thought it was beautiful with all the candles lit, it was a little scary. And I felt like a kid who was going to be put in time out for a week because she had almost burnt down the house. And I was yelled at a bit. And my crit was definitely not how I was expecting it to go.

I had worked so hard. And I felt like I had learned a ton. I had followed my instincts--something I have learned to do this semester. But despite all of these things--both my santini and my pomagrante/beetdrawing/disappearingrabbitphotocopy installation (that I had just instinctively put up right before the crit)--were not reviewed positively.

It's such a new and scary thing for me to not know what I'm doing in my classes. Especially my art classes. I've always been at near the top of the class, and I've always felt like my opinions lined up closely with the professors. This was a good lesson in humility for me. I felt last week that I could barely open my mouth without saying something "wrong." And that is one reason I didn't say much to explain myself at the crit. It would have been so much better if I had stood up straight and perhaps joked that "oh my,that wasn't what I was expecting!"

Jana, if you are reading this, thanks for giving us those readings at the beginning of the semester about not being afraid to fail. I have been so much more willing to "take the leap". That's what art requires--a leap of the imagination. If I never take it, I can never succeed. So thank you, Jana. And you were right--Italy did turn my into an artist.

Photos! (my project and recovery--I'm starting new research, and I'm not sure what it's going to turn into, but it's something...)