Cats emo blog( dont wory their is an angelic one too)

This week has been a trial. This week has been crazy. This week has been filled with misunderstandings. This week has been consumed by fleeting ideas that cant be pinned down. If they are, they go on a long pilgrimage to a garbage can. This week has consisted of drawing creepy people then getting them run over a few dozen times and splattering them in beer, tea, paint, and orange juice.
So Tuesday during class we ran out of time and we didn't get to have a class discussion on my work so far. It wasn't Janna's fault. Their are just not enough hours in a day. Cry. It still bit though. It ended badly too because we had a talk (ish) after class and I ended up in tears with the notion that my ideas sucked. I think the message in hindsight was, "I don't understand what you are saying to me. Please clarify. In English. Not girble crack speak," but when I get into a panic I shut down. I had a clear direction but I lost it and when I met with Janna on Friday I had NO idea where to start which gave her no opportunities to critique anything. I actually had detailed written plans and some sketches and an entire photo series started ( it was taking the mask as a substitute and showing both where I wished he could be and also how he is still in the perifery of everything I do. I don't think it was very sucessful though. Some are good. There is aworking metaphore starting like with the change sign, but alot feal random and the message is NOt clear.) but i wigged and didn't show her anything. It did not help that the metaphors I was trying to make were not super simple. I made them ten times more complex by leaving steps out= gibberish. But hay what's done is done. If I am emo much longer I have a feeling you all will shoot me..... so on to the conclusion!
After talking I got really frustrated. I decided that I would just focus on expressing my current internal feeling of chaos and how I felt like my ideas were discarded. I have been working on this idea of a trucker mask and a performance piece to him but at this point I think I am to frustrated for it to have the meaning I think it needs to have. I hope I can go back to it, but for now it is in the garbage-can (No seriously, I actually built a shrine garbage can and little people carrying my ideas into it. )
On the plus side, the talk got me distressed enough to want to build a panic room. As a jumping off point, I created a 2.5x1.5 m. drawing that is meant to illustrate the utter chaos that you feel when you have a tun of ideas and they all feel like garbage.
When I am really stresses I often draw these warped semi contour figures. I decided to use them to make two very direct pieces about breaking down and a failing attempt at maintaining control. I think the huge piece relayed the message prity well but it feels too much like "play" to me to get any long term satisfaction from it. I am hoping that if I continue this vain Janna will have an idea how to get it to feel more like I am doing something significant. I will also think on it myself and hopefully will come up with something by Tuesday.
PS for space I am continuing on another post. ABOUT MY OTHER IDEAS YAY!!!!