Leah's fourth helpings-- basta! (alora, forse un po' di piu.)

This week was stressful for me, because I have yet to learn how to effectively balance my time. I am so invested in theme sequence that I almost forget that I have other classes—that is, until I’m sitting in them, freaking out that I haven’t, let’s say, finished my Italian exercises very well or printed all five photos for Photography (and thus can’t have my critique.)

I think the real problem is that my brain loves the challenge involved in this class. I feel a great mental and emotional investment in it. I want to believe that because we have so much freedom in this class, the sky is the limit (I forget time is also a limiting factor) and I believe that we can be creating works as amazing and important as the slides we are shown in class. I am twenty and no longer eligible to participate in coloring contests. Time for real life. ☺

On Tuesday I felt a mixture of feelings. After having only five hours of sleep or less, I woke up and hopped on a bus to get to the studio early and set up for my performance/installation. However, the studio was locked until Jana came, so I waited 40 minutes. During this time, I prayed and made a “wholesome” mix on itunes (artists include: Sufjan Stevens, Regina Spektor, Iron &Wine, James Taylor, Joni Mitchell, Death Cab for Cutie, Jan A.P. Kaczmarek, Hayley, Eva Cassidy, et. al.). Anyway, after all the confusion (that probably could have been solved by simply writing Jana a quick e-mail before hand) the table was set up with the “mother” placemats I had worked on, and the kiwis (sliced they look like brilliant little haloes), round biscotti, cocoa mix, and orange pekoe tea with milk (that will forever remind me of my mother). The class gathered around and for the next fifteen minutes we relaxed, ate, and listened to the wholesome mix.

It was exactly how I wanted it to play out. Well, not originally, I guess. Originally I had wanted to make pumpkin ravioli from scratch. But with the hot plate breaking this week, I had to go to plan b—which I am so grateful to Sylva for having calmly discussed alternative ideas with me. I sometimes get stuck on ideas, and if I hit a lot of problems, I’ll think that maybe it’s a sign that I should do something else, rather than trying to compromise.

The tea, in the end, was still good, but a lot less stress.

I think the best part of the breakfast was hearing what people were discussing and how people seemed to calm down. I wasn’t planning to explain anything about my project—I like Gonzales-Torres’ idea of “Hi, I’m Bill, and this is what I made,” rather than over explaining things. But the class wanted me to at least go around and say who each of the women were on the placemats. I’m really glad they had me do this, because I felt good to share my “mothers” with my class. After spending at least half an hour drawing out each woman, painting a gold halo on them, and thinking about each person while I was drawing them, It felt good to share just a bit about each “saint.”

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I know this is a long entry, but this has been quite the week.

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I was thinking the next work would be giving oranges with messages written on them to beggars. Jana brought up questions about this, and although they were valid questions, I was really disappointed that I had been so heavily discouraged from this idea.

Then I was thinking about “poem pyramids” made out of oranges with one word each written on them, writing out the whole poem eventually. I thought I could set this up in Piazza del Republica (or somewhere similar) and I could maybe even have a “prendi” pile and a “metti” pile and just see what people do.

I still like that idea, but after Regan’s lesson yesterday, when she was talking about experimentation and she told me to go on a walk but think about art as well, I was uplifted, inspired, and just felt like doing something. So instead of going to the photo studio like I had been planning, I started walking. An orange branch first caught my eye and I picked it up, then I began spotting little bits of gold and silver foil. I walked around the city for a hour collecting these bits of trash. I definitely got some strange looks, but nobody bothered me, and it was a good thing to forget about things at the same time as thinking about things (if that makes sense). I think my plan is to refocus on haloes instead of nutrition, and to create something beautiful out of the garbage that I collected.

One thing that I was disappointed about was the video that I had made. In the video, I flitted about like a bird picking up trash. But instead of making something out of it, I just threw it away. This really bothered me, because it was a lack of follow through, and the quality of authenticity that could be found in my other parts of the project, wasn’t present in this.

I think it’s important to investigate not only what makes me excited, but also what bothers me. It’s important to figure out why certain things trouble me. Obviously it stirs up some emotion, and that emotion is just as valid to explore as things that make me happy. At least this is what art has told me.

And now, the first Italian poem I’ve ever written:
Un’arancia,
Una luna,
Una donna incinta:

Pieno
Degli segreti,
O mistero,
O santita,
Forse,

C’e loro fa attraente.

Here are some photos from this week.